Does anyone else walk around with a constant nagging guilt? Not like I’m a secret serial killer guilt, or I’ve spent my whole life pretending my daughter is my sister kind of guilt obviously. (I’m not sure why were the first two major guilt inducing things that popped into my head – too much soap watching some would say!) Anyway, it’s not that kind of guilt, it’s the consistent guilt we carry around everyday, or at least I’m assuming we do. If it really is just me then I might need psychiatric help rather than musing on here!
Pretty much everyday there are multiple things to feel guilty about. For example, in the last few days, I’ve felt guilty about;
- Not doing enough exercise (by enoughm, I mean none)
- Not doing the washing up for three days – yes I know, don’t judge
- Being late for work
- Spending Sunday sleeping on the couch, all day
- Not blogging for two weeks
- Not speaking to my Mum for a couple of weeks
- Eating way too much chocolate
- Getting cross with the puppy for chewing my best bra - entirely my fault for leaving it where he could reach it. Leading me onto;
- Letting the housework lapse
- Having to turn down mothers dinner invite for the third time as I don’t have time
If I said that was just a small snapshot, would you believe me? I guess some of it comes from that Virgo trait they call perfectionism, although if you saw the state of my house at times, you’d scoff at that! I want to do everything 100% right all the time, I wish I was that perfect all rounder you see on the TV adverts, who juggles a million things and never lets them slip. Or maybe I’m just a downtrodden, negative minded moaner?
Surprisingly I’d disagree with that, I’m fairly confident and outgoing, I make a real effort to look on the bright side and I know there are lots of things I am good at – so why does that naughty little guilt gremlin snap at my heels so frequently? Looks like I’m not the only one, so many of us beat ourselves up on a regular basis that it’s amazing we actually ever get anything done!
I don’t claim to know the answer to getting over the guilt trip, but thought I’d share some of the ways I’m trying to get off that vicious circle and I’d love to hear yours.
Firstly, once you’re aware of something, you can change it. It was only fairly recently that guilt was becoming such a common feeling for me, so now I consciously tell myself not to beat myself up. Does it really matter if I put the washing up off? Well I live alone, so if I’m not distressed at the site of a couple of plates on the side, then there’s no need to feel bad. Not getting time to blog is something that often eats me up when life gets in the way, but I do try to tell myself that the true lovers of the site will stick with me through down time, and this is proved in my site figures and messages etc. When you’re constantly telling yourself there’s nothing to feel guilty about, a little bit of it does seep into your subconscious!
Scale back. The phrase Jack of all trades, master of none has never been so appropriate to me, I feel like I’m drowning in tasks. Loving being busy is one thing, but taking on too much can leave you feeling like some parts of your life aren’t getting the attention they deserve – leading to guilt. Why not write down all of the tasks that you do on a weekly basis. Put them into two categories – work and leisure. Work will have all the things that must be done, like going into the office, cleaning the house etc, and leisure will have all the extra bits that you like to do. Try and chose no more than three main leisure activities to focus on for the next few weeks and you’ll be amazed at how much more time you get to spend on them.
Outsource! OK so this one is of course dependant on funds, but if you can get rid of some of the dull “work” tasks, then do it. It might cost you more, but it will free up your time and save those feelings of guilt. For example, hire a cleaner if that’s a constant battle for you, buy a dishwasher if the washing up always bugs you, consider a dog walker a couple of times a week if you’re trying to fit in long walks every day. You could see if a friend is able to do the school run a couple of times a week, whether a family member will help you with the planning your birthday party. Basically, ask for help and don’t get bogged down in the drudgery, you’ll feel better even with a couple of extra hours a week to do what you’ve been feeling guilty about.
Get rid of your Guilt Gremlin!
These are all things I’m trying to implement at the moment, so I’ll be sure to let you know how I get on with getting rid of the guilt gremlin!
Strangely enough, lots of studies have shown that men don’t suffer with guilt anywhere near as much as women do. Perhaps that’s because they’re traditionally better at looking at things in plain black and white – if they can’t do it, they won’t but they won’t beat themselves up over it. Or maybe it’s because they’re supposed to find it easier to compartmentalise things. Perhaps there are some things we can learn from men!
Do you have any suggestions on tips that have helped you? I’d love to hear them. Comment, email or tweet me.
Original article: The Guilt Gremlin…
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